Wow! I don’t think I have ever witnessed such utter crap in my life! I don’t care if this film was made in 1977; this movie had to be a joke! And the only possible reason I can garner for the re-mastering of this movie was so viewers could see the futility of it all. How could two great anime tales about Golgo 13 come out after this menagerie of trash!?
Sony Chiba of Streetfighter, Return of Streetfighter and, most recently, Kill Bill, deserved so much better than to be saddled with a movie that was so thin on realism, acting and story. Chiba was the only good thing about this movie, playing Golgo 13 almost to a tee-a man who is cold blooded unmatched by any other professional assassin in history. Unfortunately, he is not in the film as much as he should be.
Instead, the movie seems to focus more on the cop, played by Callan, star of the Hong Kong gangster movie, Jumping Ash, who is after the same drug dealers as Golgo 13, but wants to stop them within the limits of the law. He is a forgettable character who really does nothing to excite or pull the viewer. He’s just there as was everyone else in a movie. I really, really feel bad that I brought this film, and even worse that I am trying to sell it on eBay. Here's my description:
See a film where things happen just for the sake of happening (Cut to a scene where a bad guy is shot in the eye and continues to scream about his eye while managing to walk around like it is only a hangnail that is bothering him, before he finally falls down and conveniently pulls a lever that blows up the entire building so there is no evidence of a drug house). I didn’t know houses come with that kind of self destruct mechanism and so in the open for anyone passing by to use it, too. Even a child can use it.
Watch as people talk without moving their mouths and then say something that proves that English voiceover actors of old did not care about their jobs. “All these drug seizures, they point one way,” Callan’s character tells his officers. “Where’s that?,” asks one officer. “To the leader,” said Callan. “The big guy!” What a shocking revelation and I thought he was talking about the ice cream man.
Learn about the tricks of the trade like Stunt Jumping 101 featuring a scene where an undercover female cop is shot and manages to stop, position herself correctly and flip backwards so she can put the brunt of her fall on her arms.
See extra characters come out of nowhere like when Golgo 13 actually does something cool like climb a mountain while holding onto a rope, aiming and firing a shot through a helicopter and between his target’s eyes. Then suddenly a narrator is needed to tell us how the shot was made, including weather and wind conditions.
You won’t need a narrator for one cool scene where Golgo 13 has sex with a lady and at the last minute, kills someone trying to do him in. He turns to his partner and says, “Next time you hire an assassin, make sure she wears the same perfume.” Pretty cool, but not as cool as this classic line by Callan, “Diplomatic immunity was meant for parking tickets, but drugs are a whole other matter.”
You get all this and a box to hold it in and stare without watching for the rest of your life. Watch your item collect dust as you watch the anime titles that are better than the live action film. So, if you really like crappy films that will take 90 minutes of your life this film is for you.
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